I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
