Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
