this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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