Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
