How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize