It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
