I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
tell me about the fingering
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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