My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
