How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
