chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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