White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
