so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
