He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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