Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
