fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
