i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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