that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
