Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
