Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
