I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
