i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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