Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
