He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
