it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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