I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
