I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
