Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
