Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
