So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
