Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
