There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
