She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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