my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
