After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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