you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize