i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
