dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
