I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
