I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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