Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
