I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i think my cat just said my name.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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