The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
