i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize