if i can run in heels then i can drive
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
