I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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