Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
