Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
