But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
