And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
