dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
