i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
