I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
