I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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