everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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