Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
