did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
