a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
