She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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