i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
