I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
