booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
