he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize