i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
