Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
