I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
