I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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