a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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