Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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