I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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