im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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