u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
